00penguin

level 4

2005-07-07T23:22:57Z

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wheeeeeeeee!

<@Matt> 10 things men know about women.....
<@Matt> 1.
<@Matt> 2.
<@Matt> 3.
<@Matt> 4.
<@Matt> 5.
<@Matt> 6.
<@Matt> 7.
<@Matt> 8.
<@Matt> 9.
<@Matt> 10. Women have tits

* Hawk boots up Windows
<Beyonder> It's like a million mac users cried out in pain and were suddenly silenced...
<suds|finals> lol
<Beyonder> wait.. make that 5000 mac users, let's be realistic
<Evs> LOL
<SysError> XD

<+Aegis> fried chicken and malt liquor
<+Onic> what you using fried chicken and malt liquor for other than the obvious Aegis
<+Aegis> bait
<+Aegis> my TV was stolen

<@KrayWolf> Microsoft Windows: A thirty-two bit extension and graphical shell to a sixteen-bit patch to an eight-bit operating system originally coded for a four-bit microprocessor which was written by a two-bit company that can't stand one bit of competition.

CwD | Asbestos: calculus is
CwD | Asbestos: triangle over triangle is equal to square diveded by - y x
CwD | Asbestos: what is z
CwD | Asbestos: youre like
CwD | Asbestos: wtf
CwD | Asbestos: there is no z
CwD | Asbestos: and they say
CwD | Asbestos: wtf is z n00b
CwD | Asbestos: and while youre sitting there trying to think
CwD | Asbestos: they say
CwD | Asbestos: times up
CwD | Asbestos: youve just been pwnd
CwD | Asbestos: and youre like wtf h4x0rs
CwD | Asbestos: thats calculus

<Ark> whats burnt to a crisp and sits at the top of a staircase?
<Mattyoo> ???
<leoN> wha?
<Ark> christopher reeves in a house fire
<leoN> dude that is not cool

^not pc but still hilarious^

David> Mexicans are some hardworking motherfuckers.
David> This area LOVES mexicans.
David> Because of all the farms and such around here.
David> Particularly the mushroom farms.
David> It's hard to find workers for such places
David> But those fuckers could put together a house in a few hours if they'd never picked up a hammer before
David> As opposed to white people
David> Who would think about it for a few seconds
David> Then call the contractor
David> Who would assign a foreman
David> Who would hire mexicans to do it

Silent Scream098: its cold in my house
Silent Scream098: burrrr
Silent Scream098: maybe i shoud close the window and turn the ac off
Silent Scream098: and not walk around naked while holding ice cubes between my buttcheeks

<Graham> Let's say you have an ax. The kind that you could use, in a pinch, to hack a man's head off...
<Graham> And let's say that very situation comes up and for some very solid reasons you behead a man.
<Graham> On the follow-through, though, the handle of the ax snaps in half in a spray of splinters.
<Graham> So the next day you take it to the ax store down the block and get a new handle, fabricating a story for the guy behind the counter and explaining away the reddish dark stains as barbeque sauce.
<Graham> Now, that next spring you find in your garage a creature that looks like a cross-bred badger and anaconda. A badgerconda.
<Graham> And so you grab your trusty ax and chop off one of the beast's heads, but in the process the blade of the ax strikes the concrete floor and shatters.
<Graham> This means another trip to McMillan & Son's Ax Mart. As soon as you get home with your newly-headed ax, though, you meet the reanimated body of the guy you beheaded last year.
<Graham> He's also got a new head attached and it's wearing that unique expression of "you're the man who killed me last Spring" resentment that one so rarely encounters in everyday life.
<Graham> You brandish your ax. He takes a long look at the weapon with his squishy, rotting eyes and in a gargly voice he screams, "that's the same ax that slayed me!"
<Graham> ...Is he right?

<joel`> Penguins are the only fish that can fly

<zamros> haha yeah being a plumber would be fucking awesome actually
<zamros> like if i had my own fuckin' company
<zamros> with a van and shit
<zamros> like i'd go in to a plumbing business with a friend
<zamros> cuz like when you got two motherfuckers putting the time and money in
<zamros> you can buy a van
<zamros> you can buy fuckin tools
<zamros> you can buy advertising and shit
<zamros> haha i'd have the funniest fucking public access commercials for my plumbing business
<zamros> like some dude would be taking a shit
<zamros> and he'd jiggle the handle
<zamros> and he'd be like ".....FUCK!"
<zamros> then he falls over on the toilet and grabs the phone
<zamros> and calls me
<zamros> and he's like "HELLPP!!!"
<zamros> then i bust through the fucking wall
<zamros> and fucking beat the shit out of a big monster in the toilet1
<zamros> with a plunger
<zamros> and the dude is laying in his own shit on the floor
<zamros> with the phone in his hand
<zamros> and after i won the fight he'd be like "THANK YOU ZAMROS INC"
<zamros> and he'd hug me and i'd get shit all over me
<zamros> and i'd be like "ALL IN A DAY'S WORK"
<zamros> and then bust through the other wall

Level 3

2005-07-07T22:29:26Z

im sure many of you though i was done after two pages of hillarious irc mishaps....but no, theres more!

We all know that it is a sin for an Islamic male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide if he does.
So next Sunday at 4:00 PM Eastern time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this antiterrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not terrorists, and to demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women.
And since the Koran also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your antiterrorist sentiment.
The American Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti terrorist activity.
God bless America and GOD BLESS AMERICAN WOMEN! IT IS YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON

then we realised that james had fucked with the bunsen burner
and set the lab on fire
penis ensued
...penis?
panic
PANIC
shit

pinano: The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the
pinano: heat of the meat, as augmented by the thrust of the bust,
pinano: and inversely so to the mass of the ass, so long as the
pinano: bore of the whore remains constant.
pinano: God, I love being an engineer.

Mandy: The baby's kickin'.
Adam: well kick that little fucker back.
Adam: gotta start early with discipline

Shit, maybe we shouldn't take hostages from countries whose people are more insane than us.
You give back hostages, or we kill all muslim.
i think if they piss off china too much, they'll find that china, the US, and britain will turn the middle east into a big walmart parking lot
We use nuke. What we care you nuke us? We have billion more people.
nuke beijing. we tried sars. it no work
We stop birth restriction, we make billion more. Three day.
i think china's just being antisocial so someone will thin their population
Seriously.
China's answer to anything should be "We stop birth restrictions"
Stop flooding our markets with cheap goods, or we stop selling you soybeans. We stop birth restriction! Fuck. OK, OK! You can have the damned soybeans!
I bet that was the real reason Clinton gave them our satellite codes.
You give us code, or we flood world with chinese!
All your shirt shrink up like penis in arctic.
damn those bad chinese laundry places
You never get decent haircut. You explain to women why no manicure.
We own you like Hong Kong.

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<ptp`r-n-c`efegege>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

im sure many of you though i was done after two pages of hillarious irc mishaps....but no, theres more!

<xp99> We all know that it is a sin for an Islamic male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide if he does.
<xp99> So next Sunday at 4:00 PM Eastern time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
<xp99> Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this antiterrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not terrorists, and to demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women.
<xp99> And since the Koran also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your antiterrorist sentiment.
<xp99> The American Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti terrorist activity.
<xp99> God bless America and GOD BLESS AMERICAN WOMEN! IT IS YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON

<Robyn> then we realised that james had fucked with the bunsen burner
<Robyn> and set the lab on fire
<Robyn> penis ensued
<tempura> ...penis?
<Robyn> panic
<Robyn> PANIC
<Robyn> shit

pinano: The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the
pinano: heat of the meat, as augmented by the thrust of the bust,
pinano: and inversely so to the mass of the ass, so long as the
pinano: bore of the whore remains constant.
pinano: God, I love being an engineer.

Mandy: The baby's kickin'.
Adam: well kick that little fucker back.
Adam: gotta start early with discipline

<RvLeshrac> <Terrorists> Shit, maybe we shouldn't take hostages from countries whose people are more insane than us.
<RvLeshrac> <China> You give back hostages, or we kill all muslim.
<NegaDuk> i think if they piss off china too much, they'll find that china, the US, and britain will turn the middle east into a big walmart parking lot
<RvLeshrac> <China> We use nuke. What we care you nuke us? We have billion more people.
<NegaDuk> <China> nuke beijing. we tried sars. it no work
<RvLeshrac> <China> We stop birth restriction, we make billion more. Three day.
<NegaDuk> i think china's just being antisocial so someone will thin their population
<RvLeshrac> Seriously.
<RvLeshrac> China's answer to anything should be "We stop birth restrictions"
<RvLeshrac> <US> Stop flooding our markets with cheap goods, or we stop selling you soybeans. <China> We stop birth restriction! <US> Fuck. OK, OK! You can have the damned soybeans!
<RvLeshrac> I bet that was the real reason Clinton gave them our satellite codes.
<RvLeshrac> <China> You give us code, or we flood world with chinese!
<RvLeshrac> <China> All your shirt shrink up like penis in arctic.
<NightStar> damn those bad chinese laundry places
<RvLeshrac> <China> You never get decent haircut. You explain to women why no manicure.
<RvLeshrac> <China> We own you like Hong Kong.

<ptp`R-N-C`efegege> how many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
<The_only_Vanilla_Willy> HOW MANY?!
<ptp`R-N-C`efegege> none they just sit in the dark and cry

<Sefy> Dude, if the FBI ever came to my door
<Sefy> Im just gonna put in my other harddrive and boot in ME
<Sefy> Just so i look like a complete retard

<Korras> friendship among women: one doesn't come home one night, and tells her bf that she spent the night with a female friend of hers. bf calls 10 of her friends, and none know a thing.
<Korras> friendship amongst men: same thing happens. man says he spent the night at a friends place. gf calls 10 of his friends. 8 confirm he has been there, and the two others say he's still there.

<Dram> XP is basicly 98 with a lot more extra features to hunt down and disable

<hoLy> Ouch
<hoLy> my friend is giving me a tattoo with a bic pen and a knife right now
<hoLy> hurts so much but he almost finished
<hoLy> Hes finishing up the I in SATIN
<Ruff> ...
<hoLy> Yeah, so it'll say HAIL SATIN
<hoLy> This is gonnna be awesome

NaTTiE 623: just a sample of how crazy ms. bauer is......today in health were were taking a test and the question was : WHICH ONE OF THESE IS NOT A FACTOR OF PREGNANCY? and one of the multiple choice questions was : pregnancy makes a woman unexplicably want to chase after and poison squirrels

TANK Ex Mortis: I HATE WINDOWS!!!11one
AkiraBlast45387: ha
AkiraBlast45387: y?
TANK Ex Mortis: "Cannot delete file: It is being used by another person or program. Close any programs that might be using the file and try again."
TANK Ex Mortis: WHAT FILE, YOU SHITHOLE OPERATING SYSTEM!?
TANK Ex Mortis: If I was on Linux, it'd be like "There was an error, program X doesn't want you to delete that file. Here's a helpful link to teach you how to get around that. Would you like some tea?"
TANK Ex Mortis: Of course, when I want to install something on Linux, it says "You can't install that until you install these 50 libraries, update these 3 drives, downgrade this 1 driver, and pick my mom up from the airport."
TANK Ex Mortis: Whereas with Windows, it says "Click the next button over and over again until the program is installed. It will then work perfectly unless it doesn't."
TANK Ex Mortis: Unless it's made by Valve, in which case it says "DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE" and blows up your computer. ;_;

story time!:
To prove once and for all that math can be fun, we
present: Wherein it is related how that paragon of womanly
virtue, young Polly Nomial (our heroine) is accosted by that
notorious villain Curly Pi, and factored (oh horror!!!)
Once upon a time (1/t) pretty little Polly Nomial was
strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the boundary
of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent, and her
mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never
enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however,
who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling
particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the basis
that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex
elements. Rows and columns closed in on her from all sides.
Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor.
Quite suddendly two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a
single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of
directrix, and went completely divergent. As she tripped over a
square root that was protruding from the erf and plunged
headlong down a steep gradient. When she rounded off once more,
she found herself inverted, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidean
space.
She was being watched, however. That smooth operator,
Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her
curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face.
He wondered, "Was she still convergent?" He decided to
integrate properly at once.
Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and
saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated.
She could see at once by his degenerate conic and dissipative
that he was bent on no good.
"Arcsinh," she gasped.
"Ho, ho," he said, "What a symmetric little asymptote
you have I can see you angles have lots of secs."
"Oh sir," she protested, "keep away from me I haven't
got my brackets on."
"Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your
fears are purely imaginary."
"I, I," she thought, "perhaps he's not normal but
homologous."
"What order are you?" the brute demanded.
"Seventeen," replied Polly.
Curly leered "I suppose you've never been operated on."
"Of course not," Polly replied quite properly, "I'm
absolutely convergent."
"Come, come," said Curly, "let's off to a decimal place
I know and I'll take you to the limit."
"Never," gasped Polly.
"Abscissa," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew.
His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a
log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities.
He stared at her significant places, and began smoothing out her
points of inflection. Poor Polly. The algorithmic method was
now her only hope. She felt his digits tending to her asymptotic
limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.
There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator.
Curly's radius squared itself; Polly's loci quivered. He
integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. After
he cofactored, he performed runge - kutta on her. The complex
beast even went all the way around and did a contour
integration. What an indignity - to be multiply connected on
her first integration. Curly went on operating until he
completely satisfied her hypothesis, then he exponentiated and
became completely orthogonal.
When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that
she was no longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated
in several places But it was to late to differentiate now. As
the months went by, Polly's denominator increased monotonically.
Finally she went to L'Hopital and generated a small but
pathological function which left surds all over the place and
drove Polly to deviation.
The moral of our sad story is this: "If you want to
keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single
degree of freedom."

Phanth: What is Black and Red and can't get through a revoling door?
Kono: what?
Phanth:A Nun with a spear through her head
Dev: LOL
Kono: ROFL

Ayreon: Vex, do you have a scar on your penis?
vexingthoughts: no
Ayreon: But you're a jew :confused:
vexingthoughts: it's not a scar
Ayreon: What's it then?
vexingthoughts: well not how one would traditionally think of a scar
vexingthoughts: just looks like skin
vexingthoughts: that's all
vexingthoughts: little more red but that's it
Ayreon: So it's still a scar :-
vexingthoughts: maybe
vexingthoughts: i dont know
Ayreon: How could you let them do that to the little guy?
vexingthoughts: i dont know maybe because i was like 8 days old
vexingthoughts: literally
Ayreon: You were a man when you were born right?
vexingthoughts: i had to be
vexingthoughts: default gender is woman
Ayreon: How could you let them do that to the little guy?]
vexingthoughts: I WAS 8 DAYS OLD
vexingthoughts: I COULDN'T EVEN BABBLE
Ayreon: You were still a guy!
vexingthoughts: NOT EVEN RANDOM VOWEL SOUNDS
vexingthoughts: MY BRAIN WASN'T EVEN FINISHED DEVELOPING
vexingthoughts: I HAD A SOFT SKULL
vexingthoughts: the only way i could have been less capable of stopping the circumcision would have been for me to still have been in the womb
Ayreon: You could have strung them up with your umthingy cord.
vexingthoughts: yes that's right
vexingthoughts: my umbilical cord
Ayreon: That one.
vexingthoughts: how could i have been so stupid
vexingthoughts: oh yeah that's right i was just 1 week old
Ayreon: And now you've got the scar to prove it.
vexingthoughts: there are chimpanzees who are smarter than i was at 8 days old
Ayreon: There are chimpanzees who are smarter than you are now, your point is?
vexingthoughts: my point is that in a minute i'm gonna have evidence that i chopped off your dutchy head
Ayreon: Hey now, you're the one with the chopped head.
vexingthoughts: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
vexingthoughts: DIE!!!!
Ayreon: Whoa, when they cut your penis, did they put in ovaries in exchange?

2nd Level

2005-07-06T03:31:26Z

more:

XCodymauX: I've been killing pimps all day and still don't have enough money for that sword of light.
l33t 1nt3gr4l: the hell are you playing, GTA: Middle Earth?

oh man... i had typed "hey! anyone awake?" in another channel about 20 minutes ago
and just now i saw it and typed "yes!" not realizing it was me

< mine9> 231,212 people or communities on LJ that list "sleeping" as an interest
< mine9> 1.03 million for music
< mine9> 324,420 for computers
< mine9> and a measly 196,490 for sex
< mine9> talk about boring people...
< nub> that's because they're on livejournal. look up "masturbation"

So anyways, I knew at 1:30 am this morning that my english paper would not be finished, so I opened up mirc.exe in notepad, saved it as a .txt, emailed it to my school email and told them that their email server must have ruined my paper. I got an A- :D

Jesus was the best pirate of them all.
He walked the seven seas!
and got nailed to the plank instead of walking it

abmac: you should listen to more phish
abmac: and smoke more weed
speedo: you should smoke less weed
abmac: psh
abmac: hey!
abmac: if you put an "i" in psh
abmac: it's phish
abmac: mind-blowing....
speedo: no it's not, idiot
speedo: it's pish
abmac: psh
abmac: maybe i should smoke less weed

i love you mannnnnnnn!!!!11111111111
i love you to, in a fuck off and dont come near me kind of way.

zero:dude that computer you nicked from school, ive just had the police round being questioned about it, they will probably be at yours soon.
Anony-X: WTF SHIT!!!!!what do i do? my parents are gunna fucking kill me and im gunna get fucking expelled
Anony-X: Man, im running away from home, it sucks anyway theres never a sprite in the fridge when you need it,take care.
*** Anony-X has left #bnbn
zero:HA APRIL FOOL!
zero:danny?
zero:oooh shit...

as long as their nail polish is drying, women are practically defenseless.

thats all for tonite....

1st level

2005-07-06T03:06:17Z

so begins the irc quotes:

Hey, I just realized...
What?
While encountered together in captivity, in the wild, the stapler and the staple remover are natural enemies.
O_o

The ultimate game would be a game sorta like The Sims.
Except it would be called 'Angst'.
And you would see how many angsty people you can befriend, screw over, and then befriend again.
you just described Livejournal: The Game

I was killed by a rabit in D&D once
lol
stupid DM
did it have big sharp pointy teeth?
\/\/\/\/\/
no! it didnt have squat.. I tripped over it and fell off a cliff

You don't know jack shit
That's not true, I know him well
Haha
I'm serious
Jack is the son of Awe Schitt and O. Schitt. Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt Inc. They had one son, Jack. In turn Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt, the deeply religious couple produced 6 children
Holie Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Giva Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins: Deap Schitt and Dip Schitt. Against her parents' objections, Deap Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school drop out.
However, after being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced. Noe Schitt later remarried Ted Sherlock and, because her kids were living with them, she wanted to keep her previous name.
She was then known as Noe Schitt-Sherlock. Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt and they produced a son of nervous disposition, Chicken Schitt.
Two other of the 6 children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens wedding. The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Hoarse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world. He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
So there.
LOL
I have actually chortled coke through my nose

You're in Sydney?
ahhh yea
Cool!
Whatcha doing there?
grandmothers
Really? You stud! How many?

Prepare for the new revolution in freeing space on your hard drive, waste no more
time on searching through old files to delete, simply leave it up to DaveBot!
New program aye?
Doesn't work quite right yet though...
Does something a little more interesting at the moment...
Oh?
It spends 12 hours searching through your folders and files finding and sorting
them into things that must be deleted, could be deleted and mustn't be deleted, compiles the
information into a database, deems the database an item that must be deleted then erases
your whole hard drive.
o.O

construction begins!

2005-07-06T02:15:22Z

well...since i have nothing better to do this summer and i haven't posted anything else ever i've decided to catch up. In the spirit of LaHire (its a maplestory thing) im building my own even pointier fortress of text. this one shall consist purley of quotes and commentary from irc. if you don't know what that is google it.

Quizzes from Charlie

2005-04-16T13:29:47Z

Your Linguistic Profile:

70% General American English

10% Dixie

10% Upper Midwestern

10% Yankee

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Your Japanese Name Is...

Yo Shigenoi

What's your Japanese Name?

Your Inner European is Russian!

Mysterious and exotic.

You've got a great balance of danger and allure.

Who's Your Inner European?

Unitarian Jihad

2005-04-16T13:03:53Z

My Unitarian Jihad Name is: Brother Cricket Bat of Mild Understanding. What's yours?

read the article that sparked the Jihad Here