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im sure many of you though i was done after two pages of hillarious irc mishaps....but no, theres more!
<xp99> We all know that it is a sin for an Islamic male to see any woman other than his wife naked, and that he must commit suicide if he does.
<xp99> So next Sunday at 4:00 PM Eastern time, all American women are asked to walk out of their house completely naked to help weed out any neighborhood terrorists.
<xp99> Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this antiterrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their house to prove they are not terrorists, and to demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wife and to show support for all American women.
<xp99> And since the Koran also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack at your side is further proof of your antiterrorist sentiment.
<xp99> The American Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti terrorist activity.
<xp99> God bless America and GOD BLESS AMERICAN WOMEN! IT IS YOUR PATRIOTIC DUTY TO PASS THIS ON
<Robyn> then we realised that james had fucked with the bunsen burner
<Robyn> and set the lab on fire
<Robyn> penis ensued
<tempura> ...penis?
<Robyn> panic
<Robyn> PANIC
<Robyn> shit
pinano: The angle of the dangle is directly proportional to the
pinano: heat of the meat, as augmented by the thrust of the bust,
pinano: and inversely so to the mass of the ass, so long as the
pinano: bore of the whore remains constant.
pinano: God, I love being an engineer.
Mandy: The baby's kickin'.
Adam: well kick that little fucker back.
Adam: gotta start early with discipline
<RvLeshrac> <Terrorists> Shit, maybe we shouldn't take hostages from countries whose people are more insane than us.
<RvLeshrac> <China> You give back hostages, or we kill all muslim.
<NegaDuk> i think if they piss off china too much, they'll find that china, the US, and britain will turn the middle east into a big walmart parking lot
<RvLeshrac> <China> We use nuke. What we care you nuke us? We have billion more people.
<NegaDuk> <China> nuke beijing. we tried sars. it no work
<RvLeshrac> <China> We stop birth restriction, we make billion more. Three day.
<NegaDuk> i think china's just being antisocial so someone will thin their population
<RvLeshrac> Seriously.
<RvLeshrac> China's answer to anything should be "We stop birth restrictions"
<RvLeshrac> <US> Stop flooding our markets with cheap goods, or we stop selling you soybeans. <China> We stop birth restriction! <US> Fuck. OK, OK! You can have the damned soybeans!
<RvLeshrac> I bet that was the real reason Clinton gave them our satellite codes.
<RvLeshrac> <China> You give us code, or we flood world with chinese!
<RvLeshrac> <China> All your shirt shrink up like penis in arctic.
<NightStar> damn those bad chinese laundry places
<RvLeshrac> <China> You never get decent haircut. You explain to women why no manicure.
<RvLeshrac> <China> We own you like Hong Kong.
<ptp`R-N-C`efegege> how many emo kids does it take to change a lightbulb?
<The_only_Vanilla_Willy> HOW MANY?!
<ptp`R-N-C`efegege> none they just sit in the dark and cry
<Sefy> Dude, if the FBI ever came to my door
<Sefy> Im just gonna put in my other harddrive and boot in ME
<Sefy> Just so i look like a complete retard
<Korras> friendship among women: one doesn't come home one night, and tells her bf that she spent the night with a female friend of hers. bf calls 10 of her friends, and none know a thing.
<Korras> friendship amongst men: same thing happens. man says he spent the night at a friends place. gf calls 10 of his friends. 8 confirm he has been there, and the two others say he's still there.
<Dram> XP is basicly 98 with a lot more extra features to hunt down and disable
<hoLy> Ouch
<hoLy> my friend is giving me a tattoo with a bic pen and a knife right now
<hoLy> hurts so much but he almost finished
<hoLy> Hes finishing up the I in SATIN
<Ruff> ...
<hoLy> Yeah, so it'll say HAIL SATIN
<hoLy> This is gonnna be awesome
NaTTiE 623: just a sample of how crazy ms. bauer is......today in health were were taking a test and the question was : WHICH ONE OF THESE IS NOT A FACTOR OF PREGNANCY? and one of the multiple choice questions was : pregnancy makes a woman unexplicably want to chase after and poison squirrels
TANK Ex Mortis: I HATE WINDOWS!!!11one
AkiraBlast45387: ha
AkiraBlast45387: y?
TANK Ex Mortis: "Cannot delete file: It is being used by another person or program. Close any programs that might be using the file and try again."
TANK Ex Mortis: WHAT FILE, YOU SHITHOLE OPERATING SYSTEM!?
TANK Ex Mortis: If I was on Linux, it'd be like "There was an error, program X doesn't want you to delete that file. Here's a helpful link to teach you how to get around that. Would you like some tea?"
TANK Ex Mortis: Of course, when I want to install something on Linux, it says "You can't install that until you install these 50 libraries, update these 3 drives, downgrade this 1 driver, and pick my mom up from the airport."
TANK Ex Mortis: Whereas with Windows, it says "Click the next button over and over again until the program is installed. It will then work perfectly unless it doesn't."
TANK Ex Mortis: Unless it's made by Valve, in which case it says "DIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIEDIE" and blows up your computer. ;_;
story time!:
To prove once and for all that math can be fun, we
present: Wherein it is related how that paragon of womanly
virtue, young Polly Nomial (our heroine) is accosted by that
notorious villain Curly Pi, and factored (oh horror!!!)
Once upon a time (1/t) pretty little Polly Nomial was
strolling across a field of vectors when she came to the boundary
of a singularly large matrix. Now Polly was convergent, and her
mother had made it an absolute condition that she must never
enter such an array without her brackets on. Polly, however,
who had changed her variables that morning and was feeling
particularly badly behaved, ignored this condition on the basis
that it was insufficient and made her way in amongst the complex
elements. Rows and columns closed in on her from all sides.
Tangents approached her surface. She became tensor and tensor.
Quite suddendly two branches of a hyperbola touched her at a
single point. She oscillated violently, lost all sense of
directrix, and went completely divergent. As she tripped over a
square root that was protruding from the erf and plunged
headlong down a steep gradient. When she rounded off once more,
she found herself inverted, apparently alone, in a non-Euclidean
space.
She was being watched, however. That smooth operator,
Curly Pi, was lurking inner product. As his eyes devoured her
curvilinear coordinates, a singular expression crossed his face.
He wondered, "Was she still convergent?" He decided to
integrate properly at once.
Hearing a common fraction behind her, Polly rotated and
saw Curly Pi approaching with his power series extrapolated.
She could see at once by his degenerate conic and dissipative
that he was bent on no good.
"Arcsinh," she gasped.
"Ho, ho," he said, "What a symmetric little asymptote
you have I can see you angles have lots of secs."
"Oh sir," she protested, "keep away from me I haven't
got my brackets on."
"Calm yourself, my dear," said our suave operator, "your
fears are purely imaginary."
"I, I," she thought, "perhaps he's not normal but
homologous."
"What order are you?" the brute demanded.
"Seventeen," replied Polly.
Curly leered "I suppose you've never been operated on."
"Of course not," Polly replied quite properly, "I'm
absolutely convergent."
"Come, come," said Curly, "let's off to a decimal place
I know and I'll take you to the limit."
"Never," gasped Polly.
"Abscissa," he swore, using the vilest oath he knew.
His patience was gone. Coshing her over the coefficient with a
log until she was powerless, Curly removed her discontinuities.
He stared at her significant places, and began smoothing out her
points of inflection. Poor Polly. The algorithmic method was
now her only hope. She felt his digits tending to her asymptotic
limit. Her convergence would soon be gone forever.
There was no mercy, for Curly was a heavyside operator.
Curly's radius squared itself; Polly's loci quivered. He
integrated by parts. He integrated by partial fractions. After
he cofactored, he performed runge - kutta on her. The complex
beast even went all the way around and did a contour
integration. What an indignity - to be multiply connected on
her first integration. Curly went on operating until he
completely satisfied her hypothesis, then he exponentiated and
became completely orthogonal.
When Polly got home that night, her mother noticed that
she was no longer piecewise continuous, but had been truncated
in several places But it was to late to differentiate now. As
the months went by, Polly's denominator increased monotonically.
Finally she went to L'Hopital and generated a small but
pathological function which left surds all over the place and
drove Polly to deviation.
The moral of our sad story is this: "If you want to
keep your expressions convergent, never allow them a single
degree of freedom."
Phanth: What is Black and Red and can't get through a revoling door?
Kono: what?
Phanth:A Nun with a spear through her head
Dev: LOL
Kono: ROFL
Ayreon: Vex, do you have a scar on your penis?
vexingthoughts: no
Ayreon: But you're a jew :confused:
vexingthoughts: it's not a scar
Ayreon: What's it then?
vexingthoughts: well not how one would traditionally think of a scar
vexingthoughts: just looks like skin
vexingthoughts: that's all
vexingthoughts: little more red but that's it
Ayreon: So it's still a scar :-
vexingthoughts: maybe
vexingthoughts: i dont know
Ayreon: How could you let them do that to the little guy?
vexingthoughts: i dont know maybe because i was like 8 days old
vexingthoughts: literally
Ayreon: You were a man when you were born right?
vexingthoughts: i had to be
vexingthoughts: default gender is woman
Ayreon: How could you let them do that to the little guy?]
vexingthoughts: I WAS 8 DAYS OLD
vexingthoughts: I COULDN'T EVEN BABBLE
Ayreon: You were still a guy!
vexingthoughts: NOT EVEN RANDOM VOWEL SOUNDS
vexingthoughts: MY BRAIN WASN'T EVEN FINISHED DEVELOPING
vexingthoughts: I HAD A SOFT SKULL
vexingthoughts: the only way i could have been less capable of stopping the circumcision would have been for me to still have been in the womb
Ayreon: You could have strung them up with your umthingy cord.
vexingthoughts: yes that's right
vexingthoughts: my umbilical cord
Ayreon: That one.
vexingthoughts: how could i have been so stupid
vexingthoughts: oh yeah that's right i was just 1 week old
Ayreon: And now you've got the scar to prove it.
vexingthoughts: there are chimpanzees who are smarter than i was at 8 days old
Ayreon: There are chimpanzees who are smarter than you are now, your point is?
vexingthoughts: my point is that in a minute i'm gonna have evidence that i chopped off your dutchy head
Ayreon: Hey now, you're the one with the chopped head.
vexingthoughts: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
vexingthoughts: DIE!!!!
Ayreon: Whoa, when they cut your penis, did they put in ovaries in exchange?
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